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The LOST Experience
The Lost Experience
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Characters:   Rachel Blake · Alvar Hanso · Thomas Mittelwerk · DJ Dan · William Kilpatrick · W. Malick · Other...
Themes: Hanso Foundation · DHARMA · Valenzetti Equation · Sri Lanka Video · Apollo Candy · Other...

A transcript is a retrospective written record of dialogue, and like a script (a prospective record) may include other scene information such as props or actions. In the case of a transcript of a film or television episode, ideally it is a verbatim record. Because closed-captioning is usually written separately, its text may have errors and does not necessarily reflect the true Canonical transcript.

Disclaimer: These transcripts are intended for educational and promotional purposes only, and may not be reproduced commercially without permission from ABC. They represent one viewer's secondhand experience of ABC's LOST (executive producers J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof), and have no connection with ABC television or its affiliates.

A= Announcer

D= DJ Dan

T= Tanya

C#= Callers 1-?

A: Coming to you live, from your suspicious gut... [DJ DAN JINGLE] You're listening to DJ Dan, shutting down The Man.

D: Damn right I'm shutting it down, 'cause they're lying and I'm not. Welcome, Conspiraspies, to hour 2 of "You ask, I answer." Caller 1...

C1: Dennis from Duke, love the show.

D: Can't hide from the truth, Dennis. Scam, hoax or conspiracy.. you ask, I answer!

C1: Ok, how about plate tectonics?

D: SCAM! Two words: Earthquake insurance. Don't buy it. NEXT!

C2: Frank from Roswell, New Mexico.

D: Careful Frank, slowing up the subliminal UFO frequencies! You ask, I answer Frank.

C2: War of the Worlds radio broadcast.

D: Ohh, Frank, you little devil. Tanya, my producer at large, er, what's your take on that?

T: Hoax?

D: WRONG! Conspiracy masquerading as a hoax! That was what, er, 1938, Frank?

C2: Er, dunno.

D: SHUTDOWN! It was 1938. First colour photos of Mars had just come in and shock of shocks, the thing looks like a frackin' Christmas Tree. Nothing but red rocks and green heads. Now the US government alien agenda doesn't want a real panic next, so what do they do? They get Orson Welles to do War of the Worlds. Geddit? They cause a FAKE panic, expose it as a hoax and everything goes back to normal. Couple of years later when the pictures do leak, everybody thinks it's another hoax. But that's the truth. And Welles using alien film technology to make Citizen Kane, you heard it hear first, folks! NEXT CALLER!

C3: Jessica from Boise, Idaho.

D: Little known fact: Idaho itself is a hoax! Whatcha wearing Jessica?

C3: My Conspiraspy T-Shirt, Dan.

D: Ohh Jessica - you ask, I answer.

C3: What about cryogenics?

Dan: Ohh boy, cryogenics! Someone just had to go there, didn't they? For anyone who doesn't know already - this is how cryogenics works: You die, they freeze you and then scientists of the future thaw you and cure whatever disease killed you in the first place. I swear, people are really doing this. People like, er, Uncle Walt frozen like the Matterhorn. People like baseball legend Ted Williams - he froze his head. Guess one day they will thaw Ted's head, screw it on a robot body and the Red Sox will *finally* win the series.

T: Dan, the Red Sox did win the series... 'bout a year and a half ago.

D: Really? I'm a geek Tanya. Not a sports geek, but I can do you one better: Try this on for size. ALVAR HANSO. Yeah, conspiraspies it's yet another story accounting for the whereabouts of your favourite arms dealer turned mad scientist. We've heard it all. Hanso's a figurehead. A proverbial Mr. Cluck. He's floating in orbit -- VIP guest on the Mir Space Station. So on. But this one, it comes from inside the organization. According to my source, old Alvar's in the Deep Freeze in The Hanso Foundation's lab near Phoenix, Arizona. Now this makes sense. This explains why the guy hasn't been spotted in years. Now, I'm gonna get serious. We like to have our fun, but when it comes to The Hanso Foundation consider this the brussel sprouts portion of the DJ Dan delicious meal, folks. Now, if you know my show you know that if the Hanso Foundation is doing something it is not good. Sure they want you to believe they are saving humanity with their top secret science projects -- but we're smarter than that. And thanks to the hacker Persephone, we now have proof. We all know what's really going on, don't we? Frozen or cooked, I don't want you thinking for one second that Alvar Hanso and his cronies are any less dangerous. Anyway, as you can see these cryogenics people really get me. This Hanso Foundation and their ilk pray on the week and the sick and I want you to shut it down. So my suggestion to you? Stay warm, dear conspiraspies. Drink a cup of cocoa, and for goodness sake - Don't Freeze Your Head! That's all I got...

A: You're listening to DJ Dan. Shutting down The Man.

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