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Characters:   Rachel Blake · Alvar Hanso · Thomas Mittelwerk · DJ Dan · William Kilpatrick · W. Malick · Other...
Themes: Hanso Foundation · DHARMA · Valenzetti Equation · Sri Lanka Video · Apollo Candy · Other...

A transcript is a retrospective written record of dialogue, and like a script (a prospective record) may include other scene information such as props or actions. In the case of a transcript of a film or television episode, ideally it is a verbatim record. Because closed-captioning is usually written separately, its text may have errors and does not necessarily reflect the true Canonical transcript.

Disclaimer: These transcripts are intended for educational and promotional purposes only, and may not be reproduced commercially without permission from ABC. They represent one viewer's secondhand experience of ABC's LOST (executive producers J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof), and have no connection with ABC television or its affiliates.

A= Announcer

D= DJ Dan

T= Tanya

C#= Callers 1-?

A: Coming to you live, from the part of your craw where it all sticks [DJ DAN], you're listning to DJ Dan, shutting down the man.

D: Life extension... You know what that is? It's dumping hormones, and drugs and cocktails and vitamins into your body in the sad hope you'll squeeze out an extra ten or twenty years.

T: Good morning to you too DJ Dan.

D: Yep, Tonya, whats a meaningful life?

T: Uh, one where you meet the entire living cast of Gunsmoke?

D: [laughter] Tonya is just obsessed with TV Westerns, and- while her response was glib, she actually makes a good point. If you fulfill your hopes and desires, make an impact on the world, if you do these things and you have some fun in the process, have you not lived a good life?

T: I'd say.

D: So, would you agree that Ghandi lived a good life, Martin Luther King, Jimi Hendrix, Lou Gehrig, Jesus of Nazareth?

T: That list only included men.

D: Fine, fine fine. Mama Cass, happy?

T: Most of those people lived unnaturally short lives DJ Dan.

D: And yet they changed the world! They didn't wait around. They didn't buy into the lies of the MAN, selling you on his pipe dreams. Thats right, Chris from Kansas city what do you think?

C1: Hi, now look DJ Dan, I believe in life extension Ok?

D: Mmhmm. Tell me Chris are you enrolled in a uh, life extension program?

C1: Yes I am. It's manufactured by this local company called Flower Life Enterprises.

D: Local you say? Try local by way of Denmark, Chris?

C1: Huh?

D: I don't want to alarm you son, but you are in the grips of the big baddies.

C1: Yea, but I'm telling you, I feel great!

D: And I'm telling you that Flower Life Enterprises is a subsiderary of none other than

A: The Hanso Foundation

[Evil Laughter]

D: [laughter] I figure I harp on these guys enough I might have a button.

C1: Heh, who's the Hanso Foundation?

D: Who's The Hanso Foundation? SHUTDOWN! Sorry Chris, Had to do it. I feel something coming on, It's takin' me over, It's makin' me do this..

T: Oh.. Here it comes again.

D: It's a vast conspiricy, Tonya, of The medical community, the pharmaceutical companies, the wellness groups, and these pyseudo-science guacks with their miracle formulas, like the Hanso Foundation. They keep saying they will extend your life. It's a vast conspiricy to take your money, and lure you into a sense that you have all the time in world, they're singing a LULLABY Tonya, and the fight is going out of the WORLD. Now to answer Chris's question, The Hanso Foundation is numero uno on my hit-list, and why? 'Cause they lie, 'cause they're shrouded in secrecy, 'cause their founder Alvar Hanso, arms dealer turned peace-flag-waving-psuedo-scientist lier in cheif. Hanso himself has been undergoing according to one of my conspirispy sources, life extension treatments that have rendered him a monkey-man- a freak-show- UNFIT for contact with the public. Why do you think noone has seen this guy in years? 'Cause he's swinging through the trees on some mountain in the Netherlands. Now we've all seen their website and we've seen out hack-artist Persephone's good work. The Hanso Foundation's got this crazy old orangutang called Joop, yea it's supposed to appeal to the kids. But if you click on him he just goes freakin' baddy. Now call me crazy, but I'm willing to put money into the fact that this Joop is none other than Alvar Hanso himself. And I'm afraid Tonya, I'm afraid that anyday our poor friend Chris is going to look just like him. Conspirispies let me know; Have I gone too far? Has DJ Dan finally cracked up or could it be that I'm on to something. Your theories, your rants, your raves when we come back.

A: You're listning to DJ Dan, shutting down the man.

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