DJ Dan June 14 transcript

[START JINGLE: Coming to you live from your conscience... You're listening to DJ Dan]

D: Mind control, people. We're talking about mind control. Come on. We all know why MDMA and LSD and PCP and GHB and LMNOP are illegal. Because the Man doesn't want you to have the very weapons he's dumping in our drinking water and mac and cheese! So I ask, have you been brainwashed? Are you BEING brainwashed? Do you WANT to be brainwashed? We're taking your calls.

C1: Hi, I'm Debuque from Albuquerque.

D: Yeah, you're kidding, right?

C1: Parents can be cruel, DJ Dan. Dan, I feel like you're right. We ARE being brainwashed. I'm pretty close to Los Alamos and other nuclear experiments, and I just feel this pressure on my brain, all the time.

D: Uh yeah, That could just be your sinuses, Dub, just throwing it out there...

C1: What I'm saying is I noticed when I was making my Cinnamon Raisin Toast, my toaster, it blocked the rays. When I was toasting, I felt just as clear as day.

D: [Dismissive] Fascinating, Debuque. Turn on your toasters, people. Next caller!

C2: It's uh Jerry, from Ontario

D: Uh oh! We got ourselves a canuck!

C2: Yeah, we come in peace. Listen, Dan, I want to say in response to what you were saying earlier about the Hanso Foundation, do you really think they're involved in mind control?

D: Tip of the iceberg, Jerry, tip of the iceberg! It's like, who are these guys? Recap for those who missed it: my legion of conspiraspies have been following the Hanso Foundation since '92, when they were forcefully ejected from the Congo. I mean seriously, to be forcefully ejected from the Congo? How bad do you gotta be? What does a clown have to do to get ejected from the circus? What does a rat have to do to get ejected from the sewer? So uh, some of my conspiraspies went deep sea fishing off the coast of east Asia, cause they heard about our little Hanso friends' little offshore research platform. And they can't see it. But what they can see is this skinny little line sticking way up into the sky. Now what do you guys think that might be, eh? Who are we kidding! Hope you've got your foil helmets on boys and girls! Next caller!

C3: Dan, this is Franklin, I teach bioengineering at a Big 10 university.

D: Hut hut Franklin, hike me the info!

C3: Well, what I'm worried about is nanotechnology.

D: Uh, nanotech-whuh?

C3: Nanotechnology? It's essentially the minuturization of machines down to the molecular level.

D: Uh wait whoah whoah whoah, you mean robots so small that they're invisible? That sounds awful! Why would anyone want to do that?

C3: Well, there's lots of useful applications. Medicine, computers. For example, you could capture billions of these nanites--

D: Nanites? Is that geek for invisible tiny robots?

C3: Right--you could capture them in an electromagnetic field and have them float over--say--wheat fields, acting as a poison-free pesticide.

D: Whoah whoah wait a minute--what does that even look like? If a bunch of these nano-thingies got together--

C3: Something like a--storm cloud.

D: [Laugh] OK, Frankie... you know, sometimes a storm cloud is just a storm cloud. So wait a second, wait a second. So you're saying these uh, tiny invisible robots can kill?

C3: Yes. And they can think.

D: Well, you heard it folks, tiny invisible killer brains. And I was worrying about the Hanso Foundation. DJ Dan, back in three, gotta slip into my impenetrable, lead suit...

[END JINGLE]